Saturday, October 15, 2011

Libido

I have looked at this from many different angles.  But the same common theme is loss of libido.  I'm talking about of course our lack of having fun in the hotwife lifestyle these days.  I have extreme high levels of libido at this point in my life, but she does not seem to have any 'extra'.  We seem to be just fine with our sex lives, I am happy, she says she is, so its just the extra that is missing.  She does not seem to have any interest in looking for the next fun hotwife night.

I dont know what normal libido levels are, I would hate to look up some study done to apply any of their conclusions.  There are just so many factors that nobody can say for sure unless there is a complete lack of it or an out of control level of if.

But for me, its very frustrating.  My fault entirely.  To put it in words that make sense, its like a kid that thinks about going to Disney Land all the time, every hour of every day.  Thinking about it so much because he was told that he was going to go soon.  But after so many months have gone by, it has become too frustrating to think about it any more.  So the kid would mope around and be depressed, maybe even lash out in some fashion in some other area of his life.  Sure, he could blame who told him he was going.  But this could have all been controlled by him not digging his own tunnel through frustration mountain.  If he would have not gone so 'nuts' for it, then he would have been more balanced to take the let down and just moved on to other things that excite him.

That would pretty much nail it for me right now.  I am completely able to balance things in my life and have taken responsibility for my own thoughts.  I see myself still thinking about her being fucked by another man in various hot situation, I am sure that is not going to stop.  I am going to still blog about previous hookups as I love to think of such things and if the hookups we have had in the past are 'it', then I have even more to say about them.

But, I have called off the hotwife life for now.  Her and I have talked some about this, not any deeper then I felt her libido wished to discuss it.  This blog post lets her know even more about what I am thinking, another lane of communication for us.

I just felt I wanted to close the door for it completely.  It is easier for me to balance things if I know the door is closed.  You see, it was actually already shut all the way for many months now, I just didn't know how much, except for a small crack.  That was her saying if any of the super stud hunks that she has talked to in the past on the internet ever called her up and finally came to town, she wanted to be able to still fuck them.  I am not comfortable with that.  That is an open relationship that is one sided, not the hotwife lifestyle.  That just tells me that she is not interested unless these guys are 10's.  Like anything less is not interesting for her.  That tells me alot about her interest in all of this.  I then feel that if I was to pursue this and bring any thing up about it, that I am pushing it.  I will not do that.  That is it right there, for me to even have to 'push' means this is wrong wrong wrong.

So, as it stands now, we are not currently 'playing'.  We have not in many many months,  we actually stopped a long time ago.  But now I am closing the door to it.  No guy out of the blue is going to be changing my weekend plans because he is coming to town.  I am not interested nor impressed, lol.

If she wishes to have hotwife fun again, I feel as though I would not believe her and its only because some hot guy is coming to town and its going to be a one time thing where we go a year till the next guy.  I feel this way, she would not actually do this, she is too sweet, its just me thinking and feeling this way.  But regardless, I am not interested. I would rather turn my attention to something else, even if its complete fantasy, even if its her being fucked by a guy, it is just going to be in my head to enjoy, not ever becoming reality.

If things do head that direction again,  I would do things differently.  I would change things, make things hotter with role playing and really have fun with painting a scenario and getting into it.  I need to organize my thoughts more on it, she can then read what it would take to get my interest at the same time so at least she knows.  But she is only going to pursue this if she is truly 'up' again with her libido to even want to talk about things.  I don't think this is going to happen anytime soon.....  and I am not interested at all in going back to the way it is now..