Saturday, March 5, 2011

Black men, take 2

Right now, my hotwife is out in our living room talking to a black man.  This is very significant.  She has been with one black man so far.  It did not go well at all.  I will detail it out later as it deserves its own post.  Long story short, she did get off, lots, as he was a stud, built with a large cock and could fuck for an hour (or more if she would have let him).  But between me coaching him in the wrong direction for the moment and him taking a road that was all his own, she said that was it, no more black men for her.  I could not blame her, she almost cried after the hookup.  I cannot say how crappy that made me feel and agreed with her 100%.  But at the same time I knew that she did not give black men a fair shake and would now be eliminating half the population of men to choose from as she looks for studs to hook up with.  He was not a good ‘sample’ for her to judge all future black men by.  She spent all her life in a small town and had never been exposed to any other race actually other than whites.  So that was all she had to go by, not her fault at all.  Good in one sense as she was never exposed to the racism that goes on in larger cities, but bad in the other sense that her first real contact was such a downer.

The good news is, I have a friend that is very cool, very good looking, very muscular and who she thinks is absolutely gorgeous that happens to be black.  While I knew him quite well, she first met him when us three went and paid pool one night.  She said as soon as she saw him she thought he was hot, just read some of the other posts to see how that all started.  He then came over and worked out with me one night and stayed after and talked to her and I for quite a while.  We invited him bowling one night and those two flirted with each other constantly.  And finally, a couple nights ago, he came over and the two of them talked for over 2 hours.  This was just after she spilled the beans about being a hotwife.  They since have had over 1300 texts between the two of them and a few emails of pics with no ending in sight.

Tonight, he just got off work and has to be somewhere in a couple hours so they decided they wanted to hang out for a bit.  I really do not know if anything sexual is going to go on as I am still hearing voices in the living room as I type this on and off while I watch tv in the computer room.  I am very worked up, but I really could care less if they do tonight or not.  Because it’s a win-win.  If they do, obviously, WIN.  But if they don’t, think about it, he is sinking it very deep with her in her mind.  See, we never allowed texting to her phone from a fuck buddy and def no 2 hour talks alone together on the phone let alone in our own living room.  Nothing other than messages through email or through the message system in Adult Friend Finder.  But we are treating this one different since he was a friend first.

And since this is my blog and I want to be as honest as possible with myself, then that is exactly what I am going to be.  The reason I am allowing and desiring her to get to know him better is for a few rather complicated reasons.  But number one is, I just do not think that she is going to leave me for a black man.  I know that sounds terrible like I got a race card I have not shown yet, but let me explain.  The reason we don’t want her talking to men too much is to steer clear of a possible real relationship starting.  It’s not worth the risk to get close to a guy and then someone falls in love.  It’s the day in and day out talks with someone that will one day possibly cause one or both people to fall in love with each other.  Falling in love does not happen accidentally; I don’t care what anyone says.  A major component is spending time with each other. Spending time thinking about each other.  So, we just decided to minimize that from every really starting.  She keeps it exceptionally on target of talking primarily about sex, sex, and more sex.  What they want to do to each other and what they just did to each other and want to do again.  The other component is, she should not do anything that she is not comfortable with me doing with a woman when it comes to communication.  At what point does she feel uncomfortable with me spending a lot of time talking to a woman I met somewhere?  It’s really just a good self check.  But what if she felt there was less risk with falling in love with a guy, or less risk for me to fall in love with a woman with all that talking? Would it be allowed and feel okay?  Well, I feel safer with her getting closer to a black man.  As in allow her to talk to him much more.  Have much more of a real relationship.    This is our situation; I fully understand that this happens all the time with other people.  That is not our situation.

Our facts are this – she and I both think staying in your own race is more natural for a life long relationship.  Stronger family ties all the way around, especially if there are kids involved.  We do not have kids nor do not plan any, just pointing to that’s the way we feel.  There is just a strong barrier in our minds that would have to be broken first.  Could it happen? Absolutely, I am not a dumb ass.  Sure it could.  But chances are lower.  But, and it’s a big one, these same cultural issues that are still prevalent in today’s society that frown upon interracial relationships are the same issues that make this so hot for her and I.  The phrase is – ‘You want what you can’t have”.  For everyone, this is a phrase that hits home.  We have seen our share of it.   So, here she is, being told by society that she is not allowed to get with a black man.  It should not happen; friends and family would disown her.  Then the situation is being created where she wants this more than anything and it’s quite a rush.  “It’s taboo and forbidden”.  HA, now society just made her desire it that much more and will be that much more satisfying when it does happen. 

Because of our situation, this does afford us to do is see how this goes with being more free and open.  I am a firm believer in better and deeper sex will be achieved by a deeper bond emotionally.  It’s a part that gets left behind in the swinging lifestyle as it is best to do so.  But we are married; he is of a race that minimizes her chances of bringing out true intimate relationship where it heads to something way more serious.  Instead, can it head towards a deep relationship that’s focus is based on a sexual intimacy that reaches very deep and is very strong?  Can it? Or is it too risky?  She and I have talked about doing a self check and not only for just her but pay attention to him.  Let see how deep we can make it, how much pleasure can be achieved, but do not hurt his feeling either.  Divert everything to a more intimate and deeper sexual connection.  If it appears he is falling love, then we are doing it wrong and need to back up. 

Since I started writing this, I have been out in the hallway at least 10 times to listen for a bit to see if they are still talking or if the talking has stopped.  Meaning more pressing matters have ‘surfaced’.  So far, no dice.  But I am very happy that they are getting closer and closer to each other.  I am no rush for something to spark, a couple of fun nights, and then poof, gone.  I can see that he is willing to put a lot of energy into her, then what is the rush?

But, I just went out and dropped off a camera on the bar and pointed it at them and said ‘Don’t mind me..” and left.  I had a thought that maybe they were both a little shy to get things started because I am usually in the room.  But maybe they need a little help knowing that I can now watch later.  Well, it worked; I just leaned out into the hallway and witnessed some of the closest and intimate kissing I have ever witnessed.  They were some extremely light kisses, very long and deep.  Like there is no rush, lets enjoy this, this right here.  Wow.  He is doing it right.  He now stands above them all, he is nothing like any other guy she has been with except me.  There is some serious potential here.  I don’t dare go out now for a while as I think they can hear me typing and maybe they want more privacy.  I would love for both of them to sink it deep with each other.  This is all unbelievably interesting and so new to me.  I feel nervous and extremely turned on at the same time.  I fully understand what a cuckold feels.  It’s a huge rush to see a man get so close to his wife.

Well, that's all they had time for, some closeness and then he had to jet.  But its all good, he is coming back tomorrow night and again on Tuesday. They are walking a path that is all new to her...

I write all of this in trying to be honest with myself and I also completely realize that I am being worrisome about things that will probably never happen.  But at the same time, I don’t like to be completely blindsided so I like to think ahead a little.  It’s all good.


  1. I think this is a very well written post, and find myself with the same thoughts and feelings when my wife is with a black man, like she was last week (it was a huge turn on). Did these 2 ever hook up and how was it?

    go2guy from Hotwifelife

  2. a black male in the lifestyle who has had the role of a single and the male in a couple, I find this post extremely cringe worthy. While I really do appreciate the honestly with which you wrote this, it's attitudes like these that have me considering leaving the lifestyle :-/ I can always elaborate more if you're curious.

  3. cringe worthy? you do understand this is a personal blog about very personal things, very personal, where I write exactly how I feel. I would hope I do not please everyone, if i did, then I really doubt I was being honest with myself. This stuff is about how two people communicate about very intimate things about how people feel, things that no one will ever know about or should ever know about unless one was to open up on with a blog. I am not aiming to please everyone, not trying at all to make everyone happy, frankly, to be very honest, that makes me cringe to think I would be such a crowd pleaser. I like what I like. Everyone likes what they like. We grew up like we grew up, everyone else the same, that's the way the world works. Glad you appreciate the honesty, but that is all you get, honesty. Honesty from this couple. This couple alone. I am sad to hear that you think about leaving the life style base off of one honest couples opinion. I am 100% sure you can find a different point of view from another couple. guaranteed. Like a fingerprint, everyone will be different, like our sexual preferences and everyone elses, no two are exactly the same. We know what we like, how we like it and that is what turns us on. For me to want to please someone else by using their own beliefs on my sexual preferences would make me quite the loser, lol. I am guessing you are upset about the chance of her falling in love with a black man and bringing him home to mom and dad, if not, im sure its some other riding-the-line-racial-issue you pulled out of what I wrote. I will repeat, there is no chance for her to fall in love with a black man and bring him home to mom and dad. That is a for sure thing that is not going to happen. Does that mean we are racist? oh please. We know what turns us on, and frankly she is still not sure if a black man does it for her. That's it, you're not going to change what turns us on or what we know will not happen. Your welcome to elaborate, but remember, we don't want to be crowd pleasers, we are only talking about what we know turns us on. You really can't refute that, as its OURS.

  4. I had commented on this post a couple of months ago. I found myself back on this blog from the hotwifelife website. After reading your response I must certainly do talk. A lot. I'll try to keep my response short. What I find cringe worthy (and still do) is the generalizations you cast. The issue I see is the generalization of all black much so that you're wife had one negative experience with one black man and then suddenly, "no more black men for her".

    Now, don't get me wrong. You and your wife can play with whoever you want. If a black person is not either of your preferences, that's your choice. But, when you have a bad experience with one person and then judge and exclude entire race of people based on the actions of that one person...well then you're going to make people cringe. I read your blog and I get that you're a 'thinker', so follow the logic. By making the statement "no more black men" you're subscribing to the line of thought that all black men will share whatever negative trait that one black men had to cause that reaction. Psychologically, this stuff goes pretty deep so I'll spare you a thorough explanation.

    A second runner up is your antiquated and outdated views in interracial relationships. "She and I both think staying in your own race is more natural for a life long relationship." More 'natural'? Oh really? I would simply love to hear your in-depth analysis to explain that. But then again, you guys are from Tennessee so I guess I shouldn't expect much in the way of progressive thinking (aren't generalizations fun?). Seriously though, I joke with that last line.

  5. We are not from TN so we don't share their southern views on things, we just live here now for the last 8 years and hope to get out soon, so I'm not helping YOUR generalization (yes, they are a blast).

    She said she is not interested in black men any more, I did not, I would love it if she was not set against it, you can take it up with her, good luck, I have tried.

    And natural refers to the problems society will be throwing at any relationship/family that is not from the same race. That is all it means. For the larger majority of relationships in this world, people will find this to be more natural for them. Not something I'm making up and is not some crazy idea, anyone can just look around. History still claims its stake and always will, it is just up to how much fight is in a person/ couple to still make it happen, and it does, all the time, good for them, still not the natural way to go. In many cities in America, this is very easy to do and most have even forgotten there are any issues still present, but this is closed-minded to believe that this is they way things are or are progressing to any time soon. The majority of the world countries still make outcasts of such relationships like they always have, that is reality. Even in America this still happens. Even when people say they are okay with it and lying, people are still pushed to the outside a little bit more.

    And its my blog, so ya, I talk a lot, even on comment responses, crazy huh? Would not be much of a blog if I did not, now wouldn't it? But feel free to insult me with it. Even with all my talking, you still have no idea where I am coming from on these issues, lol.